Being present

Oh my goodness, this morning I’m realizing how much I love early morning outdoor workouts and personal inner connection as well as connection to my higher self. I feeling more gratitude.  

I love the fresh clean scent in the air, the birds chirping and singing and the sound of airplanes flying above me, the subtle breeze that cools me off as I’m dripping sweat from an intense workout, all of it just infuses in me a sense of safety, strength and determination to keep moving forward, it’s as if connecting with nature first thing in the morning opens my mind and my soul to a higher sense of self, like I have potential for greatness and the ability to move purposefully throughout the day. My mind is quiet As I’m focused on my body during a workout, this focus is what excels me. My body as it is resting then allows me to think about and understand my thoughts and intentions for the day ahead, as I do so I find it easier to connect on a higher level with those around me, especially my family. I sometimes switch up the order in the morning from mind, energy, soul and body, but no matter what as long as I get to focus on each of those individually I get to be more present and not so flustered because I’m tired or upset that I never got time to myself. It used to be that I would try to work in all of this stuff in the midst of the craziness and business of my day, for example, i would wake up at the same time as my kids and put on a show for them and go and fit in whatever I could before they’d get bored and come bother me, then I would get annoyed that I couldn’t finish what I wanted to which in turn would cause resentment or some other negative emotion to come up in which I would blame them for my lack of time to myself. I’d lock myself in the bathroom in hope for peace and quiet. Throughout the day I would find any outlet I could to distract me from the chaos, To find that peace I was seeking, or the feeling of a good effective workout without interruption, or to be intentional with myself and my thoughts and then to be in the moment and present. It was too much, I never felt centered, I would find ways to indulge or to distract me from what was really going on by binge watching series on Netflix or eating something sweet and satisfying in the moment, but then feeling guilty and shame myself for what I did. Throughout the day I would try to make things fun and do things with my kids, but I wasn’t fully invested, I still had this idea that I needed “me time” I would look forward to bedtime, I then would do the same thing over and over again. The past 2-3 years or so I have gotten up earlier than everyone in my house and have taken time for me. I have learned to be more present with myself and then throughout the day I get to be more present with my family. I have let go of the resentment and blame, I have taken responsibility for my life and how I truly want to show up. I understand better all the thoughts and emotions I feel in the moment and don’t feel the need to buffer or to eat emotionally or binge watch Netflix to distract me from my emotions, I have learned to be present with my emotions and thoughts as they are showing up, I have become more intentional for why I do what I do and how it effects me. I feel more gratitude and recognize it easier, with that gratitude I show up in a way that is honoring. I actually get to feel, I get to be in control, I get to show up. Being present to me is all about understanding what’s going on in the moment and feeling the emotions as they show up, allowing gratitude and love to help me focus and see what truly matters and what is lasting and then understanding WHY I want what I already have.